Unconscious Questions

Last week, I wrote about embedded commands. If you haven’t read that article yet, I highly urge you to do so. You can read it here… Unconscious Conversations.

Embedded commands take practice because you really have to focus on how you speak when you first start to use them. Not only do you have to focus on how you speak, but you have to add in the component of marking out your unconscious messages. I promise you that with consistent practice, it becomes easier and easier.

As a matter of fact, using embedded commands will become as easy as holding a conversation has always been for you. The hand gestures, voice tonalities, pauses, and every other method that you are using to mark out your embedded commands will become part of your normal communication style.

Continue to practice embedded commands and all of the skills that you are learning on a consistent basis, make small improvements on your method, and you will soon master what you used to think was difficult.

I received an email from a client that illustrates the importance of consistent improvement and the “never fail” attitude… 

Bill,

The techniques did not work at first, and my first thought was to try something else or stop; but I didn’t, and I reminded myself that the techniques work… I just did it wrong. So, I continued working on them, and VOILA!

BM

Columbus, Ohio

Now, let's introduce embedded questions into your language skills.

Embedded questions allow you to give a command within a question… even though it is not a question!

Confused?

Let's take some examples… 

• “I’m wondering what the weather is going to be like this week.”

• “I’m curious if you can get that done quickly.”

• “I’m sitting here asking myself if you are really committed to learning and using this material until you master it.”

• “I wonder what time it is.”

Do you recognize yet what each of these examples has in common?

Each of these examples is structurally not a question, but each is usually responded to as if it is a question.

You can use an embedded question to command your conversation partner to take action… “I’m curious if you want to meet me for coffee tomorrow.”

To make it even more powerful,... “I’m curious how much you want to meet me for coffee tomorrow.”

By adding “how much” to this embedded question, your conversation partner has to accept the fact that she wants to meet you… it’s just a matter of how much.

Using an embedded question is a great way to ask something without your conversation partner feeling like they are being put on the spot.

In a sales situation, for example, you could say, “I’m wondering what else you may need to help you move forward with this contract.”

You did not ask what else they needed, because many people perceive that as a “sales technique”. Stated as an embedded question, however, your conversation partner will not become defensive and guarded; because you did not fire off the negative feelings attached to most sales techniques.

But why didn’t you fire off any negative feelings?

You did not fire off negative feelings, because your conversation partner did not “hear” a question.

• Questions are formed by the pitch of your voice going up at the end of a sentence,

• Statements are made by keeping the pitch of your voice flat at the end of a sentence, and

• Commands are created by lowering the pitch of your voice at the end of a sentence.

Try it out for yourself… say a question, a statement, and a command out loud; and notice how you end the sentence.

Because of this, your conversation partner will not perceive the question being asked, because it is disguised as a statement… or even better, a command.

If you train yourself to lower the pitch of your voice at the end of each sentence in a conversation, you will activate the command center in your conversation partner.

Activating the command center will unconsciously make your conversation partner more likely to follow your directions; because they are hearing seemingly innocuous sentences as commands.

Your conversation partner has no reason to throw up their guard. When you do give your command, it slips through to their unconscious mind without any resistance.

As with embedded commands, it is much more effective if you mark out the command or question for your conversation partner’s unconscious mind. You can mark out the command or question with any of the methods that you have been using while practicing embedded commands.