Humans Have Everything They Need
This week's question is an interesting one because it comes from Lawrence, a psychiatrist in Boston. Lawrence asks, "I have a client coming to my office for the first time next week. Let's call him Kevin. Kevin has been through many therapists trying to gain control of his anger. I thought you might have an unconventional approach I could use with him."
Every human already has everything they need to make any change they desire.
When I sit down with a client for the first time, I have no idea what direction our session will take. The framework of my sessions remains the same, but how the transformation takes place depends on the client.
Look at it this way...
When Kevin comes to you, you shouldn't think, "Oh, I just helped Dave with this. So I'll help Kevin the same way." Just because Kevin's issue is the same as Dave's doesn't imply the "fix" will be the same.
Your client holds the solution to overcoming the challenge they hired you to help them with. Your job is to help them discover that solution.
But how?
By asking them.
When Kevin tells you that he wants to overcome his anger issue, find out everything you can from him regarding how his anger issue operates.
Things like...
Exactly what does Kevin mean by "anger issue"?
How does he know when to get angry?
How does he know when to stop being angry?
What images does he have in his mind just before he gets angry?
What sounds or voices does he hear in his mind just before he gets angry?
How does anger feel in his body?
What does he get from getting angry?
What has he lost by having this anger issue?
How does Kevin think he could solve his anger issue?
Based on Kevin's answers, teach him how to run his mind to overcome his anger issue.
You see, Kevin doesn't have a challenge with anger; anger is just the end behavior. Instead, the challenge is with his process (his strategy) when dealing with particular moments in his life.
Imagine you're coding a new video game. You've written all the code and are ready to test it. When you hit run, an error notification pops up. Is the error the problem, or is there a problem with the coding?
It's a coding problem. Right?
By changing the code, you receive a different outcome. So it's not an outcome problem; it's a coding problem.
Kevin's anger is not the problem; it's a mental strategy problem.
By teaching Kevin the tools to change his mental strategy, he will change his result.
Kevin already possesses what he needs to make a change. What you provide are the instructions on how to use what he already has.
