Not Feeling "Okay" Will Change Your Life

There are two emotions that I see humans consistently attempting to eliminate from their lives…

• Boredom

• Discomfort

When I was 13 or so, I remember spending hours lying on a bench swing in our backyard, watching the clouds and listening to the sounds. At that moment, I considered myself to be very bored… and that was okay. Sometimes, when I was tired of watching clouds, I would walk around the yard to see what I could find. At other times, you could find me flat on my back on my bed listening to music. I had an Intellivision game system, but that was limited to when no one in the house was watching the television. We were a 2-television home, but one of those televisions was in the off-limits master bedroom.

During this time to myself, this boredom, I dreamed, I planned, I thought, and I created. I thought about what it would be like when I got to be an astronaut when I grew up. I came up with plans for something to build when my best friend came over next. I listened to music and postulated what or who the song was about.

When I wasn’t bored, I had a lot on my schedule. I learned to shoot a longbow with alarming accuracy, I dedicated a couple of hours every day to practicing piano, I built model rockets and launched them, I raised rabbits, I spent hours on my typewriter writing short stories, I sketched, and I rode my bike for miles. Not coincidentally, each of these activities was born out of boredom. Without spending time watching clouds, walking the yard, and listening to music, the experiences that made me who I am today would not have happened.

When my children lament that they are bored, I respond with, “Good!” I want them to be bored instead of picking up their phone to watch another human’s experiences on YouTube, play a game, or message their friends. I want them to stare out the car window and see something that they would have missed otherwise. While kicking back on the sofa, I want them to have that light-bulb moment that changes the direction of their life.

I want this for you. I want this for every human.

Learn to embrace boredom, dream, come up with new ideas, and relax. Stop picking up your phone and mindlessly scrolling or playing games. When you do nothing, you may very well be doing the most important thing in your life.

The thought of being bored may cause you some discomfort. That’s okay as well. It is okay to feel uncomfortable. The feeling of being uncomfortable is a catalyst for growth; it’s the way humans expand their comfort zone.

(NOTE: I’m not talking about that uncomfortable feeling you get in a dark alley. That’s not discomfort; that’s fear. It’s crucial that you know the difference.)

The first 20 years of my life were uncomfortable. Until I was a Freshman in high school, most of my classmates thought my name was “Barry.” At that time, I went by “Billy” and attended speech therapy three times a week. No one could understand me… at least, not correctly.

As I entered high school, my inability to clearly communicate put a damper on many parts of my life, including dating. Even though my speech was improving by the time I was 15, the shot to my self-esteem left me making eye contact with the sidewalk whenever a pretty girl passed. The idea of standing in front of the class to deliver a 30-second speech terrified me. I was afraid that I would stumble over my words, say the wrong thing, or get laughed back to my desk. This did not stop in high school. I carried these challenges with me through college and well into my twenties.

The discomfort that I had in my life motivated me to expand my comfort zone, learn the skills that I needed, and become the person I am today.

Let me give you an example that includes my 17-year-old daughter. She is uncomfortable interacting with humans who aren’t family or friends. She is apprehensive that she won’t know what to say or say the wrong thing. For her, this carries over to other forms of communication, such as text messaging and emails. My solution is to make her feel uncomfortable more often.

Each time she is in an uncomfortable position, she is expanding her abilities and comfort zone. I have her take care of her own “business.” If there is a question or situation that needs taken care of at her school, she is responsible for making that happen. This includes emails and phone calls to teachers and administration. She will ask me what direction she should take, we’ll discuss it, and she takes action. She may not know that she is building life skills that will eliminate this discomfort, but she is consistently improving in this area.

I also give my daughter small missions when we go out in public. For example, we went to the grocery recently, and I challenged her to compliment a stranger in some way while we were shopping. She complimented a boy on his t-shirt. She was uncomfortable, but she did it.

What are you uncomfortable about in your life? What should you be uncomfortable about in your life?

Discomfort is a signal for you to expand your comfort zone and make a change. Do you have anxiety that stops you from starting a conversation with another human? What is one step that you can take right now to begin turning your discomfort into comfort in the same situation? Perhaps you can start asking every cashier that you encounter what the best part of their day has been so far. When you become comfortable with those interactions, you can move on to a situation that is a bit more difficult.

Embrace your boredom and discomfort, teach your clients to do the same, and make great things happen!