The Meaning of Your Communication Is the Response You Get
Kim from Miami emailed me. She says she's been told by friends that she's "a bit abrasive." Kim wants to know how to talk to others so they better understand her without getting upset.
How many times have you heard a human say something like...
"He just doesn't understand me."
"She has no clue as to why I get so frustrated with her."
"No one gets me."
"He thinks I'm always criticizing him, but I'm not."
"You don't understand what I'm saying!"
We have all had experiences where we were misunderstood or were unable to get our point across. Perhaps we said something that upset our conversation partner, which was the last thing we wanted to do.
Most humans blame their conversation partners for not understanding them or for taking what was said in the wrong way. The blame doesn't fall on them; it falls on you. The meaning of your communication is the response you get. A communication breakdown is not the listener's problem; it's the speaker's.
It's your responsibility to be flexible enough to say it differently, change your tone of voice, and add more information for your conversation partner.
Is it always the speaker's fault?
Yes, it's always the speaker's fault.
I adopted this belief many years ago, and I've been practicing every day since. It's not easy. For many of us, our first instinct when someone misinterprets what we say is to blame them.
It takes a conscious effort to listen to what your conversation partner is telling you and then decide what they need to hear and how they need to hear it. If your approach doesn't lead to the response you intended, change it. Repeat as necessary.
In other words, this isn't a lesson you learn and then implement it perfectly for the rest of your life. You must adopt this belief and practice it with every conversation.
I'm not advising you to manipulate humans. I'm assuming that all parties involved have a goal of doing good and want to understand one another. Don't tell your conversation partner what they want to hear just to end the conversation or to get them to do something for you.
I'm recommending a mindset that you can operate from that will immensely benefit you and enhance your conversations. When humans understand that the meaning of their communication is the response that they get, many of their challenges are magically solved... or at least improved.
When we are flexible enough to communicate so others understand, we can all have better relationships.
The right word said at the right time can change the world for the better; it can also start a war.
