Let's Bake a Cake
Just like you use a recipe for baking a cake, you unconsciously use recipes for everything you do. These recipes are called strategies.
You began making strategies, or recipes, the moment you were born by putting sequences of internal and external experiences together, and you made something happen.
For example, you felt hungry, you instinctively knew to cry, and you were fed. This recipe produced a desirable result, and you learned to use it to get food on demand. Of course, you now have a different recipe when you feel hungry because, as an adult, it would be awkward to cry until you were fed.
You have recipes for everything you do — such as buying a new refrigerator, deciding where you will sit in a movie theater, and what to give your significant other for their birthday. And like baking a cake, the order of the ingredients is just as important as the ingredients themselves.
Essentially, a recipe is something that happens in your mind and body that produces a specific result.
Let me give you an example... Suppose I want to know someone's recipe for buying a house.
It's not about the ideal neighborhood, the preferred school district, or how many bathrooms they need. Instead, it's about their strategy to make a large purchase.
Do they make a picture in their mind?
Do they have a particular word or phrase that they say to themselves?
Do they hear someone else's voice in their mind saying, "Buy the house!"?
Do they have a certain feeling or emotion?
In other words, I want to know what is going on inside their mind.
Their recipe for buying a house may be...
I say to myself, "I want to buy a new house."
In my mind, I picture how I want my new house to look.
I jump online to look at photos of homes that fit the image in my mind.
I then say to myself, "Let's go buy a house."
I call my realtor to look at houses that I have seen online.
While walking through one of the houses, I'll get a feeling that "this is my home."
I tell my realtor, "I'll take it!"
At this point, many humans ask, "That sounds great, but how do you find out someone's recipe?"
Answer... "You ask."
Staying with the house example, I would ask, "What is the first thing you do when you decide to buy a new house?" And they would answer, "I want to buy a new house."
I would then ask, "After you say to yourself, 'I want to buy a new house,' what do you do next?"
This inquiry would continue until we reach the last step of the recipe — the step at which the buyer in the example above says, "I'll take it!." That is the end of the recipe — the buying strategy.
And then, at this point, I often get asked, "Do humans really tell you this?"
Answer... "Yes."
If you have rapport and know how to hold a conversation, you will have very little resistance to getting your subject to open up and share their recipe.
Stay relaxed, and start a conversation, "When you bought your last house, what was the first thing you did?"
If this is their first house, come up with something similar. For example, ask them about the last car they purchased, their previous refrigerator, or the diamond ring on their finger. There is an excellent chance that their buying recipe is similar regardless of the item being purchased.
There are only six ingredients that can go into a recipe. You can do each of these things internally or externally — and more than once.
Pictures
Sounds
Feelings
Tastes
Smells
You can talk to yourself
You will want to remember the order in which the ingredients happen. If you need clarification on a specific ingredient or order, slow your subject down and ask questions. You want to ensure that all the ingredients are in the recipe and the correct order.
After you learn someone's recipe, the most challenging part is over. Now, you simply have to take them through their recipe with the content that applies to the current situation.
For example, perhaps you learned your subject's recipe for buying a dishwasher; but you are selling a house. Simply take your subject through their recipe while substituting the house in place of the dishwasher.
Learning someone's recipe (strategy) and then taking them back through it while adding different content takes some practice — just like every other skill you've learned. Initially, it will be challenging to elicit and use your subject's recipe. However, the more you make yourself uncomfortable by asking the right questions and practicing new skills, the faster you will master conversation, influence, and persuasion.
I recommend asking friends to help you practice. Have them think of something they do (buying something, falling in love, picking a movie, et cetera), and discover their recipe.
Go practice, feel uncomfortable, and master this skill. Before long, you will be eliciting and utilizing recipes without thinking about it.
