Connections and Links

"Can you make someone do something against their will?"

This is the question I get asked the most when humans learn that I'm an expert on hypnosis, influence, and persuasion. It's not always phrased this way. Sometimes the question comes in the form of "Can you make someone rob a bank?" or "Can you make my husband do the dishes?" or some other related question.

Of course, you can make someone do something against their will by using physical threats or force. I believe what they mean to ask is, "Can you make someone do something against their will using hypnosis?"

Most humans who know how to use hypnosis will answer that question with, "No, I can't make anyone do anything against their will."

This answer is technically correct. However, what they don't tell you, and probably don't even know, is this: You can't make anyone do anything against their will, but you can get them to comply without their knowledge.

Let me give you an example...

I can walk up to someone in a bar and say, "I'm going to use hypnosis to get you to buy me a beer." From that moment on, my subject is in a defensive mode. They can stop listening, walk away, question every word that comes out of my mouth, and use their will to resist any kind of suggestion to buy me a beer that I throw their way. 

However, suppose I build rapport with them and weave suggestions into what appears to be a normal conversation. I will have a beer in my hand within minutes. Maybe several more over the rest of the night, cab fare home, and another story I can use in a later article.

Let's take another example, getting a child to clean their room. You could march them to their bedroom and stand in the doorway until their room is spick and span. This method would be the "against their will" way of doing things. On the other hand, you could say to your child, "Hey, you can play your Xbox as soon as your room is spick and span."

Assuming you always keep the best interest of others as a priority, it's relatively easy to avoid having to make a human do something. Instead, create an environment in which they want to do things for you.

In the first example with the beer, building a connection with someone and making them feel good will create a desire within them to do something for you in return—in this case, buy you a beer. This is called reciprocation. When they buy you a beer, it deepens the relationship. They then must justify in their mind why they are buying you a beer by thinking, "I'm buying this guy a beer. He must be great!" In other words, they justify in their mind why they are spending money on you.

This is the same concept as gift-giving in business. For example, I often send a potential client a copy of my book when I email them for the first time. Because they received the book from me, they're more likely to reply to my email. When I was in pharmaceutical sales, I would land meetings with physicians by taking lunch into their office. Since I provided their office with lunch, they felt obligated to give me some of their time.

The tool I used in the example of the child cleaning their room is linking. Linking is when you take something that will happen or be accepted and then frame it so that when it happens or is accepted, your subject must do or accept the second thing.

Linking is an excellent tool to get others to take actions that they usually would hesitate to complete. It works great with children and equally as well with adults. For example, a salesperson walks into the boss's office and says, "I would like to speak with you about a raise." The boss could reply with, "That sounds great! I'll know you're ready for a raise when you meet your goals for the next two quarters."

The two examples of linking above are in the form of "when you do this, then you get that." However, you can also guide the direction of someone's thought process using linking.

You can guide the direction of someone's thought process by using the word "as." For example, "Lisa, as we talk about the possibility of me training your sales team, begin thinking about how much your company will grow due to what we are implementing." This phrase unconsciously links the act of talking about my training to Lisa's mind imagining how her company will grow—it's a suggestion that easily slips past the critical part of her mind.

Here are some more linking phrases to help you begin thinking in this way.

• "Dave, the more you learn about our company, the more you're going to want to implement what we've done for so many others."

• "Steve, when you complete your homework, we'll go to the beach."

• "Sherry, the more time you spend with Chuck, the more you'll like him."

• "Joyce, when you see this house, you're going to fall in love with it instantly."

When you learn how to direct the thoughts of others, the more effective you will be with your communication. Practice helping others feel good, and they will do the same for you in return. When you make others feel good and direct their thoughts using linking, you will get more of what you want—and so will your conversation partners.