What Is OCD and How To Live With It

When I was younger, circa 10-years-old, my parents divorced. My mom abandoned my sister and me. We didn't see her for years. At the time, I believed my dad abandoned us as well but discovered in my early 20s that he was kept from us by our grandparents. My grandparents reared us until we left for university.

Ten-year-old me wasn't equipped to handle my parents' divorce, two abandonments, and my grandparents becoming mom and dad in the span of a month. Things were definitely spiraling downward. My mind took matters into its own hands to help me regain some sense of control over my life.

I didn't know what was happening to me at the time. I never mentioned anything to my grandparents or friends because I thought my experience was normal. I was ten and had nothing to compare it to. Most notably, the majority of my daily activities had to be completed in even numbers, and they had to be done perfectly. For example, if I turned off a light switch, it had to be turned off and on repeatedly… four, six, or eight times... and it had to feel just right. The same rules applied to things like turning off water faucets, locking doors, closing drawers, pushing down the toaster, closing the refrigerator, hanging up the phone, and so many more.

There was an upside to my new behavior... everything had to be perfect (or at least as close to perfect as I could get). This meant that my bedroom was always spotless, I cleaned up after myself, I happily took showers every day without being asked, my 80's hairstyle was rad, and I finished high school at the top of my class.

Now I know that I was suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

WebMD (https://www.webmd.com) explains OCD as "a mental illness that causes repeated unwanted thoughts or sensations (obsessions) or the urge to do something over and over again (compulsions). Some people can have both obsessions and compulsions."

MedCircle (https://medcircle.com) lists four general categories...

• Checking, such as locks, alarm systems, ovens, or light switches, or thinking you have a medical condition like pregnancy or schizophrenia.

• Contamination, a fear of things that might be dirty or a compulsion to clean. Mental contamination involves feeling like you've been treated like dirt.

• Symmetry and ordering (aka perfectionism), the need to have things lined up in a certain way.

• Ruminations and intrusive thoughts, an obsession with a line of thought. Some of these thoughts might be violent or disturbing.

Growing up, my OCD presented itself as checking and perfectionism. In my mid-20s, I realized I no longer felt compelled to complete tasks in sets of four, six, or eight. I could turn off light switches without flipping them on and off, lock a door once, and hang up the phone without any compulsion to check again and again.

I kept the perfectionism aspect of my OCD. It hasn't had a negative effect on my life; it has helped me. I attribute my perfectionism for the success that I have had. My live performance is critically acclaimed because I have consistently improved my show over many years, my podcast gains listeners every day due to the quality of my material, my consulting clients achieve tremendous results, and I have been lucky enough to meet some very cool humans along the way.

I'm not telling you about my success to impress you; I'm telling you to impress upon you that having your mind work differently from other humans can be advantageous. It can also be debilitating.

In January 2020, I had a freak accident that caused a concussion, followed by months of post-concussion syndrome. The trauma triggered the revival of the checking aspect of my OCD, something I thought I had seen the last of 20 years ago. The day after my accident, I found myself frozen at my bathroom sink, staring at the faucet and turning the handles on and off six times each to make sure they were truly off. This quickly generalized itself to every activity... brushing my teeth, turning off lights, locking doors, washing my hands, and even wiping my ass. OCD hit 49-year-old me much harder than it did over three decades ago.

Before I could wrap my mind around my new old behaviors, COVID-19 landed on Earth less than two months later. Shelter-in-place orders were issued, all socialization ceased, and the live entertainment industry vanished in a day along with my income. To replace the control I had over my life before COVID-19, my OCD doubled down. As I write this, my OCD affects the majority of my activities every day. If I tallied up the time wasted on checking and rechecking things, I'm probably losing 3 hours of my life daily.

Humans make light of OCD by saying things like, "I'm so OCD." or "My OCD is kicking in." or "It's all in your head." You're not necessarily OCD if you keep a clean home or desk. Your OCD is not kicking in because the toys the children dragged out are all over the living room, and it's driving you crazy. And yes, it is all in my head; that doesn't mean it's not real. It's very real, and I'm constantly striving to gain some semblance of control over it.

Over the last 15 months, I have discovered ways to shave time off the mental loops that keep me frozen in mundane, unnecessary, and unproductive activities. My hope is that you can shortcut your learning to cope with OCD by using what I have found helpful.

Set Up Systems

Setting up systems seems to bypass triggering my OCD. For example, we have Apple HomePods and Google Homes throughout our house. I have found that using Siri to "turn off the bedroom light" bypasses my need to turn the light off and on some even-numbered amount of times. The same goes for our Wi-Fi-connected air conditioner.

Having a MacBook and iPhone, I can use Siri to "turn off Bluetooth" or "turn the brightness to 45%". The more I can do using Siri, the more I avoid the repetitive checking of settings that comes along with manually interacting with my MacBook and iPhone.

I have a system that works very well for making sure the doors to our home are locked when we go to bed. I noticed that every door in our home leading to the outside has the same type of doorknob and deadbolt. When locked, the doorknob is always vertical, and the deadbolt is always horizontal. By not touching the locks, looking at the positions does not trigger my OCD.

What sort of systems could you set up that don't trigger your OCD?

Think about using a different modality to complete tasks. A modality is a fancy name for one of your senses. The five that most humans learn in school are sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. As I shared above, when I switched from physically touching the doorknobs and deadbolts to only looking at them, my OCD was not triggered. Experiment to find what works for you.

Change How You Feel

I've found it virtually impossible to think myself out of my OCD behavior logically. I know that my behavior is irrational while I'm doing it, but that doesn't stop the feeling of being compelled to continue doing said behavior. I implemented a practice based on a concept I teach in my influence and persuasion seminars… “Logic typically does not change minds; emotions change minds.” By taking a step back from the loop I'm stuck in, I can change how I'm feeling and then perform the task again without triggering my OCD.

Earlier this evening, I found myself peeking into the laundry room for the 3rd time to make sure I started the dryer. When I realized I was in a loop, I stepped out of the laundry room and changed how I felt. I did five jumping jacks and counted out loud. I peeked at the dryer one last time and saw it was running without triggering my OCD.

There are countless ways to change how you feel... jumping jacks, meditation, deep breathing, listening to your favorite music, taking a walk, and kissing your significant other, just to name a few.

Stay In the Moment

When I’m in the moment, my OCD ceases to exist.

What do I mean when I talk about being in the moment?

Some humans call this flow, the zone, getting lost in the moment, in the groove, on fire, or on your game.

I play the piano. When I first began lessons in the late 70s, I really had to practice. I spent a couple of hours every day practicing for the next week's lesson. I remember getting irritated a lot because my fingers didn't want to do what I wanted them to. The notes on the page looked like an overwhelming foreign language. I kept practicing. After two years of this, things began to get easier for me. My fingers moved to the proper keys without me thinking about them. I didn't read the notes any longer... it was like there was a direct highway from the notes on the page to the movement of my fingers. I remember the moment when I realized that I wasn't just playing notes on a page any longer... I was feeling the notes and creating music.

That's flow... The moment you tap directly into your unconscious without your conscious mind getting in the way. It's like that moment when you realize you're riding a bike without thinking which way to steer... you just ride. (Read more about being in the moment in my article, Trust in the Flow.)

You don't have to learn to play the piano or jump on your bike to get in the moment. All you need to do is find those activities in your life where you "lose yourself". For example, when I step onto a stage, nothing else matters but the audience. I have no problems, no worries, and no OCD. I am entirely focused on that moment in time. For you, it could be losing yourself in a good book or listening to your favorite music or exercising or any other activity that puts you into that flow state. For most humans, having sex keeps you in the moment. (If you're thinking about what you need to pick up at the grocery while you're having sex, you need to work on other areas of your life as well.)

I hope that one or more of my suggestions help you take back some control from OCD. Perhaps my story just makes you feel like you're not alone. Let me know! I am interested in what you have found to be helpful when it comes to OCD.

Feel free to comment and pass this article around to those who have OCD in their lives as well.