Failure Is Not an Option

What holds many humans back from achieving what they want is a fear of failure or failing to reach their outcome on the first attempt and giving up.

If this sounds like you, let’s talk about that.

I took piano lessons for most of my childhood and young-adult years. At first, I loved it, then I hated it, then I loved it again. The hating phase of my piano career happened when I graduated from beginner to intermediate. During that transition, I had to practice more than before. At times, I would go to a piano lesson feeling like a failure because I couldn’t fluently play a Beethoven sonata. My instructor would say, “Let’s make some fingering adjustments and practice over the next week.”

When I developed the belief that I wasn’t failing and that I simply needed to regroup and practice more, my hate for the piano turned back into a love… a very deep love that helped me through my parents’ divorce when I was 10-years-old. I couldn’t fix my parents’ marriage, but I could beat out my frustration and anger on the ivories. The piano also gave me a sense of control in my life. I knew that I could reach my goal of playing any piano piece with enough practice regardless of what was going on in other areas of my life.

All results and behaviors are achievements, whether they are desired outcomes or not… even a result that we didn’t want or intend to get. The only way we can fail is to admit defeat and do nothing.

I work with humans when they want to make a change in their life. This ranges from breaking a negative habit to overcoming a fear to learning how to deal with physical or emotional pain. Helping a human make a change is an art. No one can guarantee that a human will achieve a specific result. If someone guarantees you that you will achieve a specific result, find someone more credible to help you.

Humans have a proclivity to feel bad whenever they are less than 100% successful. You must train your brain to adopt the belief that there is no failure; there are only valuable learnings.

The example that I use with my clients is walking. I let my clients know that there was a period of my life during which I couldn’t walk for 7 months. They usually ask, “What happened?”

I explain that I was born and couldn’t walk for the first 7 months of my life. (Yes, I was an early walker.) It’s a silly joke that gets a laugh almost every time. (NOTE: My sessions are fun! Whoever said that therapy had to be boring and painful?)

I go on to ask them, “What do you think would have happened if when I fell the first time, my parents decided I was a failure at walking and never again attempted to teach me?”

Of course, I probably would have gotten the hang of walking at some point, but it wouldn’t have been at 7 months.

This is the same mindset and determination that you must have. I never set a goal with a client or with myself that I don’t believe can be reached… the journey to the end result just may have to be adjusted along the way.

One last thing… If you feel that you have failed, it simply means that you weren’t flexible enough to get to where you needed and wanted to be. Instead of looking at it as a failure, look at it as an opportunity to learn new ways to achieve what you want.

Always be learning new ways of achieving what you want, and you’ll continue to achieve your goals and grow.