Do You Have Texting Anxiety?
My parents planted the seed that would become me in 1969. Growing up in the '70s and '80s, we didn't have email, text messaging, or chat applications. Instead, we used the telephone and the United States Postal Service (snail mail) to communicate. My friends and I picked up the phone and had a conversation — providing instant feedback.
ME: "Hey, you want to grab dinner and go to the club?"
THEM: "Sounds good. What time?"
ME: "I'll pick you up at 7 o'clock."
THEM: "Done!"`
If the friend we called didn't answer the phone, we reached out to another friend.
Fast forward to 2022, texting is most humans' dominant form of communication. Glancing at my phone, there are at least ten messaging apps on the screen. Of course, everyone has their preference, so I need to have every app in order to be accessible to my family, friends, clients, and probable clients. This is a necessary pain in the ass if you're running a business.
But this accessibility has spawned a modern-day issue — texting anxiety.
Humans have been conditioned to expect immediate replies to the messages they send. Many humans become anxious when they don't receive a response within a few minutes and begin to spiral down a texting hole by analyzing the exchange.
"Did I offend them?"
"Are they ghosting me?"
"Are they angry with me?"
"Do they not like me anymore?"
"Maybe I should send them another message."
"Did they miss my message?"
"Now I'm getting angry that they haven't replied."
After hitting the predetermined threshold of how quickly a message should be replied to, some humans will take their game to the next level by sending another message.
"You there?"
"Did you get my message?"
"What happened?"
"Did I say something wrong?"
"You haven't responded for a while."
"Hey, what's the deal?"
"You with someone else?"
Or they believe something worse — they go incommunicado to give the recipient "a taste of their own medicine."
Growing up using the United States Postal Service, this didn't happen. I never sent a second letter to someone if I didn't hear from them within four days. "Did you get my letter? I didn't get a smiley face from you in my mailbox."
And what about "Read" receipts? I have my "Read" receipts turned on so others know I have seen their message. For non-iPhone users, I typically give a thumbs-up 👍🏼 to let them know I read their message.
For many humans, "Read" receipts and 👍🏼 exacerbates the situation. They know the recipient read their message and hasn't responded, which takes their anxiety to the extreme level. I like "Read" receipts because it lets me know the recipient has received my message.
I admit that I sometimes succumb to texting anxiety — typically when I'm on a deadline or waiting on an answer I need before I can move forward on a project. But aside from those situations, I "send it and forget it" when it comes to messages. I trust I will get a reply from the recipient at some point. My most extended reply from someone was a few years.
I suspect that I create anxiety in others. For example, I sometimes begin writing a message, get distracted by something, and forget to send it until hours later. Also, I've been guilty of never replying when I thought I did. It wasn't intentional if I've done anything like this to you.
Here's the thing, use the telephone if you need a response now. Humans' expectations for texting (and even email) are causing massive anxiety — not just from message delays.
Communication over text and email can easily be misunderstood. For example, what one human meant to be funny can be misinterpreted as an insult by the recipient. Body language, voice quality, and facial expressions convey massive amounts of data to others. These things are missing in a text.
6 Steps to Ease (Or Eliminate) Your Texting Anxiety
Change your expectations. There is nothing that important in a text message that must be responded to within minutes. It's okay to respond when you have time. Following this rule demonstrates to others that you have a life — other than waiting on a reply. If it's critical, use the telephone.
Embrace "Read" receipts. They let you know that your message has been received and probably seen. That means you were important enough for the recipient to read your message. It does not mean they have to respond immediately.
Send it and forget it. The recipient will respond when they can. At least you're not waiting on the reply to be delivered to your mailbox (and I'm not talking about your email box).
Stop interpreting what you think the other human is communicating. Ask for clarification if you are confused about what the sender was attempting to say. If you still don't understand after asking for clarification, ask more questions. Make no assumptions.
Only send one text (or a group of texts if you are explaining something in-depth), and then wait for a reply. Do not send multiple texts due to your insecurities. Constant texting and expecting a response is a sign of neediness, which is a turnoff for most humans.
Communicate more in person or via telephone, FaceTime, Zoom, or other platforms that allow you to hold a real-time conversation.
