Let’s Get Physical
I received an email from Arron of Sydney, Australia. He wants to be able to control his emotions better. Arron wrote, "I'm in sales and have a problem. When I get a prospect close to buying, I get excited. Unfortunately, I've noticed that many of my prospects back off a bit due to my obvious excitement—I've even lost several sales. I can't control my reaction. Help!"
The majority of humans can mimic the physiology of most emotions. For example, if I asked you to describe a human who is feeling sad, you would probably list some or all of these...
Slouched
Frown on their face
Eyes droopy, maybe tears
Shuffling feet
Low energy
Quiet and slow speech
Random sighs
Thinking negative thoughts
This list is the physiology of sadness. Of course, it's not complete, but these are the most common answers I receive when I ask my audiences this question when I speak to groups.
We could repeat this exercise using all of the most common emotions that humans regularly experience, and you would be able to describe the physiology of each emotion—emotions like happiness, excitement, fear, anger, love, nervousness, and so on.
I want you to do an exercise. (Really do this!)
Adopt the physiology of sadness. If needed, you can refer to the list above.
Stay in this physiology for three minutes.
As you do this exercise, you will find that you begin to feel sad. You feel sad because your emotions affect your physiology, and your physiology affects your emotions. In other words, your physiology changes when you feel sad, but you will also feel sad if you assume the physiology of sadness.
Now do this!
Stand up straight, breathe deeply, look up, and put a big smile on your face. Hold that position for 30 seconds, and then notice how you feel. (It's important that you play along, so stand up and do this!)
This is the physiology of happiness.
Because I have been a speaker for a few decades, coupled with my expertise in helping humans make changes, I have many humans who hire me to help them overcome stage fright. These are typically humans who have to give a presentation at a company meeting or find themselves terrified to deliver a best-man speech at a wedding. The first thing that we work on is their physiology.
I teach these clients the physiology of confidence. I have them practice assuming this physiology repeatedly until they can create it instantly. As with any emotion, if you assume the physiology, the associated emotion will follow. When it comes time to speak in front of a crowd, they assume the physiology just before they begin the talk and can accomplish something they could never previously do.
Let's take another example from my life...
When clients tell me that they "always feel angry," I know this is not true. There are times when they're angry and times when they're not. My first goal is to help them realize that they're not always angry. By assisting them in realizing that they are not always angry, they begin to understand that they have more control than they thought they had.
I begin to ask them questions like, "What was your favorite vacation ever?" This gets them talking, and I continue to ask additional questions about their vacation to get them entirely associated with that pleasant memory. Then, when I see them smile, laugh, and begin to gesture with their hands and arms, I ask, "What emotions are you feeling right now?" No client has ever included "anger" as an answer to what they are feeling at that moment.
Spend some time experimenting with your physiology and notice how it affects your emotional state. You can do this on days when you "wake up on the wrong side of the bed." Decide what emotional state you would like to feel instead, and assume the physiology of that emotional state.
When you commit to using this seemingly simple tool, you will notice the positive impact it has on every area of your life.
