How to Stop Sounding Like a Robot and Actually Connect with Humans: The Art of Asking Better Questions

Communication isn’t just about words exchanged between humans—it’s an intricate dance, a game of back-and-forth that requires more than just the ability to speak or listen. It requires understanding. And one of the most powerful tools at your disposal to foster that understanding is the open-ended question.

What’s an open-ended question, and why should you care? Well, imagine you’re at a party, and someone asks you, “Did you have a good day?” You could say, “Yes,” or “No,” and the conversation would likely fizzle out right there. Now, if they asked, “What made your day interesting?” you’re suddenly invited to dive deeper—share more—and the conversation has room to grow. That’s the power of an open-ended question. It encourages a dialogue rather than a monologue.

The Mechanics of Open-Ended Questions

First things first: What exactly qualifies as an open-ended question? In the simplest terms, it’s a question that can’t be answered with a mere “yes” or “no.” These questions typically start with words like “how,” “why,” “what,” “describe,” or “tell me about.” They invite the other human to think, reflect, and elaborate—crucial in any meaningful conversation.

Think of open-ended questions as the fuel for the conversational fire. They provide the kindling that keeps the discussion burning, allowing you to explore new ideas, uncover hidden thoughts, and deepen your understanding of the other human. But it’s not just about keeping the conversation going—it’s about showing genuine interest in the other human’s perspective. Humans crave being understood. By asking open-ended questions, you’re telling the other human, “I care about what you think.”

Why Should You Use Open-Ended Questions?

Let’s break it down. Why does this matter? Well, for one, open-ended questions foster a sense of connection. In a world where everyone is busy trying to make their point or sell their idea, taking the time to listen—to really listen—sets you apart. It makes you memorable. Humans remember how you made them feel, and by asking open-ended questions, you make them feel valued.

Moreover, open-ended questions are powerful tools for learning. When you ask someone, “How did you arrive at that conclusion?” you’re not just gathering information—you’re gaining insight into their thought process. You’re learning not just what they think, but how they think. This is invaluable in both personal and professional relationships, where understanding someone’s motivations and reasoning can make all the difference.

But here’s the kicker: Open-ended questions also help you avoid assumptions. We’re all guilty of jumping to conclusions or projecting our own experiences onto others. By asking questions like, “What was your experience with that?” you give the other human a chance to tell their story in their own words. You step out of your own head and into theirs, seeing the world through their eyes, if only for a moment.

Practical Applications

So, how do you implement this in your daily life? Start by being mindful of the questions you ask. Instead of defaulting to closed questions like, “Did you enjoy the movie?” try asking, “What did you think of the movie?” or “How did the movie make you feel?” Notice the difference in the responses you get. One-word answers transform into stories, opinions, and deeper conversations.

In professional settings, this approach can be a game-changer. If you’re in sales, for example, asking a potential client, “What are you hoping to achieve with this purchase?” can open up a dialogue that helps you understand their needs better than a simple, “Do you need this product?” In leadership, asking your team, “What challenges are you facing with this project?” encourages them to share their concerns openly—leading to better problem-solving.

Even in personal relationships, asking open-ended questions can strengthen your connection. Instead of asking your partner, “Did you have a good day?” you might ask, “What was the best part of your day?” This not only shows that you care about their experiences but also gives them a chance to reflect on their day in a positive light.

Final Thoughts

Communication isn’t just about exchanging information—it’s about building relationships. Open-ended questions are the bridges that connect us, allowing us to understand, learn, and grow together. So, next time you find yourself in a conversation, think about the questions you’re asking. Are they opening doors or closing them?

Remember, the goal isn’t just to talk—it’s to connect. And the best way to connect is to show genuine interest in the other human. Open-ended questions are your tool for doing just that. They’re simple, effective, and when used correctly, can transform any conversation into a meaningful exchange. So, go ahead—ask away. You might be surprised at what you learn.