Expert Tips To Make Humans Like You
I've been conducting unofficial research—AKA watching a lot of YouTube videos. Specifically, I've been studying why some videos fail to get many views, likes, and comments.
The videos that I've watched contain high-value content. I define high value as video content that is interesting to me and teaches something that I've integrated into my life. These videos range from highly-produced TED Talks to humans holding their phones at arm's length in their backyard. The content spanned many subjects, from personal relationships to what your cat's sleeping position tells you.
I watched videos that I thought might interest me. Then, I made notes on the videos that I stopped watching within the first 30 seconds. I noticed that those videos correlated with low view counts and likes. Remember, all of the videos I qualified for my research contained high-value content—I didn't stop watching due to content. I stopped watching because I felt that I couldn't watch any longer—I didn't like the human who was speaking.
Part of my negative feeling was due to how the human was speaking—their tone. It took me back to my junior high days when my gym teacher would yell at me for not catching a ball with my face during a dodgeball game. Sometimes the human in the video was attempting to be intense or passionate (I assume), but their message came across as angry and condescending. Think Hulk Hogan in his heyday telling you that you must do what he says to live a better life or feel the wrath of his leg drop.
I'm not suggesting that you should sound like you're talking to a preschooler. But, there is a way to speak without a hostile tone that commands respect and demonstrates authority.
Slow your speech. If you're attempting to get everything said within the time limit of the platform you’re using, break your message into smaller parts.
Speak at a pleasant volume. Speaking above a normal volume triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response in humans. This means they may not be hearing anything you are saying—they're definitely not processing it positively.
Convey in your tone that you legitimately care for the humans you're speaking to. I suggest you imagine talking to someone you highly respect, care deeply for, and want to help.
After focusing on tone, I took my research a step further. I muted my computer and viewed the videos. Sans sound allowed me to focus only on body language—where things really got interesting.
The videos of speakers who made me feel negative all had the same body language in common.
Their movements were quick. Quick actions can communicate a loss of control.
Their eyebrows were drawn inward and down. (I believe it was another attempt to seem intense or passionate about their subject.) This does not send a signal of intensity or passion; it sends a signal of anger.
They were leaning forward towards the camera. Many speakers had their arms resting on their thighs or knees and their fingers interlocked. This can send a signal that you are nervous and protecting yourself.
Pointing! Many speakers pointed toward the viewer. I believe they wanted to emphasize their message, but pointing typically comes across as rude and aggressive. It made me feel like I was being lectured for something I did wrong. Pointing is also a way to show dominance—something you usually don't want to do if you want others to like you.
When gesturing, they held their arms close to their chest and abdomen—another sign that they were on guard. Protecting your torso communicates that you may be ready to fight and activates the viewer's fight, flight, or freeze response.
Speakers often wrinkled their noses. This can be a sign of disgust. When done with the other body language I've outlined, it appeared that the speakers were disgusted with the viewer.
The unspoken language that you broadcast can be louder than the information coming out of your mouth. So if the way that you speak or your body is saying something contradictory to your message, you're not going to get the response you imagined.
Here are some body language tips that will help you be likable and viewed as an authority:
Slow and steady movements convey trust and authority. Stop flashing sudden hand gestures as you count the points you are making. For example, if you want to count steps 1, 2, 3, and 4 on your fingers for emphasis, move your hand slowly and allow your fingers to glide up.
Stop acting intense! Unless you’re John McClane in "Die Hard," you're conveying that you're angry. Instead of bringing your eyebrows inward and down, raise your eyebrows more. Act as if you've just noticed an old friend walk into the room. Raising your eyebrows communicates a sense of familiarity.
Sit back, and let the viewer see your entire torso. Leaning forward can be a sign of fear or discomfort—you're making yourself take up the least amount of space. Confidence is communicated when you take up more space. Lean back, be comfortable, and relax.
When gesturing with your arms, make broad gestures as if you're about to hug someone. Movements such as these activate the primitive part of our brain and show that you are safe. Remember, make these movements slow and fluid.
Smile! I'm not sure why I have to write about this. When you smile, humans tend to like you more—more smiling, less intensity.
When you implement great tonality and body language with your positive message, you will earn more views, likes, fans, positive comments, and clients.
