What Women Want
During the COVID-19 pandemic, my wife and I are running out of good current films to watch, so we started to move to films that we haven’t seen in a decade or more. One of the films we recently watched was What Women Want starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt.
In this 2000 film, Nick Marshall (Mel Gibson), an advertising executive and male chauvinist (uncanny casting, by the way) skilled at seducing women gains the ability to read the thoughts of women. This leads to Nick getting the girl, losing the girl, making a change, and getting the girl back. Perfectly following the rom-com formula.
In the real world, most men like Nick struggle to break out of their chauvinistic ways because they think they already know what women want… money, abs, a large penis, compliments on her boobs, a nice car, and great sex.
Men rarely take the time to discover what women really want, because they think they already know. When a woman doesn’t want to go out with them, pulls away from the relationship, or finally says “Bye!”, they blame it on the fact that “women are crazy”. Men then repeat this process over and over without considering the common denominator in this equation is them.
When I started consulting with men a couple of decades ago, I told them at the end of our first session to research what women want in a man and come to their next session with what they had discovered. It took me my first 10 clients before I realized this was a bad idea.
My clients were leaving our session and discussing what women want with their male friends, their male coworkers, and some read books written by males. They arrived at our next session with the big six I listed above… money, abs, a large penis, compliments on her boobs, a nice car, and great sex.
I had to be more specific.
In my mind, the most effective way to discover what women want in a man is to ask women. I assumed (to my dismay) that my clients would ask the women in their lives what they wanted in a man, but it took more detailed instructions. I started telling them to specifically ask women this question and bring what they learned to our next session. This garnered much better data.
Most humans of any gender fall into this research trap. Let’s take an example that is relevant as I write this… Wearing masks during the COVID-19 pandemic.
If you’re reading this article in 2120, my hope is that humans have developed their ability to critically think, conduct proper research, and understand confirmation bias. In other words, I hope that humans learn to be excited when one of their beliefs is proven wrong and happily accept the new findings.
Currently, mask wearing is not only being politicized but is also a platform for humans to show how insane they can be. It has been proven by medical professionals that wearing a mask helps to stop the spread of COVID-19. The mask that you wear doesn’t give you much protection, but your wearing a mask does help prevent others from contracting COVID-19. You wear a mask to protect others. If most of us wear masks, then we can get control of this pandemic.
Humans against wearing a mask fall into a few categories (These are all real.)…
I don’t want to wear a mask. (In other words, I don’t care if I infect or kill someone.)
Wearing a mask doesn’t help. (Although it has been proven to slow the spread.)
It’s against my constitutional rights to make me wear a mask. (I’m pretty sure it’s not.)
COVID-19 is not real; it’s a government conspiracy. (And Earth is actually flat.)
Masks restrict the amount of oxygen supplied to my body and I could die. (This is why surgeons and other medical professionals die every day of hypoxia when performing operations.)
Wearing a mask is the mark of the devil. (This might be my favorite.)
These beliefs are due to a lack of critical thinking and little to no research, but confirmation bias locks these beliefs in your mind.
What is confirmation bias?
(Glad you asked!)
Confirmation bias is the tendency for humans to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories.
Unless you know how to think critically, know how to conduct unbiased research, and understand that everyone is susceptible to confirmation bias, you may be part of the problem.
Allow me to explain… If you believe that wearing a mask will cause hypoxia, you are likely to Google something such as… “Does wearing a mask cause hypoxia?” Google will then present you with a list of sites containing the keywords you used to search. This will undoubtedly lead you to sites supporting the belief that masks cause hypoxia.
On the other hand, if you critically think about how to find out what you want to know, conduct unbiased research, and be open to proving the belief you hold is incorrect; you might learn everything you can about hypoxia, how masks are made, what material they are made from, how gases pass through material, and then make an informed decision based on the facts… not from data that simply supports your current belief.
I will listen to anyone who has a belief based on science and is as willing to be proven wrong as I am. This is how humans move forward and better themselves. If you never change the beliefs you hold when you learn new data, you might end up telling your date you have to cut the evening short because you want to be in bed before Santa arrives.
Now let’s apply this to what women want.
I turned to the source of truth and unbiased thought… Twitter. (Okay, so it’s more like the worst bar you ever stepped foot in.) But for the purposes of my research, I believe I gathered a random sample of responses that will give you an idea of what women want in a man and give you an advantage over other men.
I asked women to respond with what attracts them to men. Here are 22 of the top answers…
I like genuine people, vulnerability, has his shit together, is affectionate, goofy, consistent, and yet spontaneous.
Kindness, intelligence, and good humor all in one package.
Intelligence, kindness, curiosity, and he reads.
A man who takes a genuine interest in my ideas, asks intelligent questions, and listens.
Self-confidence but not arrogance.
Intelligence, quick wit, and the ability to banter. More important than a hot bod and pretty face by far.
When a guy smiles a real genuine smile revealing the expression lines near his eyes.
Vulnerability.
Humor and intelligence!
I love an intelligent man who engages me in conversation; he needs to be witty.
Confidence tied with a sense of humor.
Funny and smart. He doesn't have to be solely book smart.
Wanting to actually get to know me and my interests.
Humor, for sure.
Intelligence and wit.
The winner is humor.
Being genuinely funny without trying too hard.
I’d rather have an intellectual man than a gorgeous man.
Sense Of Humor.
He asks me how I am, and listens. Good with words. Sense of humor.
Sense of humor is a must.
Vulnerability and transparency.